“In our society, an affair is usually either a make-or-break mistake or a ‘can opener’…” Dr. Tammy Nelson, The New Monogamy, Redefining Your Relationship After An Affair
There is no way around it, infidelity is painful – wickedly painful – for both partners. If you have been cheated on you may be in a panic about what your partner is doing every time they take a call or leave the house. Finding out your partner cheated may have shaken you up so much you cannot imagine ever trusting again. For the person who did the cheating, you may feel so guilty you just want to push your partner away or try to prematurely speed your partner’s recovery so you can find some “guilt relief”.
Here are some common things you may not know:
- Often after an affair couples have more sex and a lot of it. Not always but surprisingly often.
- Infidelity does not mean the relationship is a bad relationship or that the people in the relationship are bad.
- Over the long term, recovering from infidelity can lead to a better but different relationship than before the affair.
I work with infidelity by:
- Helping you find some safety and stability as you work through the crisis phase. We will decide together on a set period of time each of you can commit to staying and working on the relationship together so that each partner feels safe in the exploration of what happened.
- Discovering the meaning of the affair together so you each can grow and learn from it.
- Expanding your view so you can create a brand new vision of what kind of relationship you want to build now that you know more about yourself and your relationship dynamic from our work together.
- Creating a safe and fun place to practice relating in this new way.
People do recover from infidelity. With determination, time and commitment to growing and learning you can create a new foundation together.